The Importance of Asking – and Listening

In which I reveal my new guide, “The Survey As Conversation”!

Last year I attended a conference session that was convened around the issue of how to involve people who have previously been uninvolved (in whatever) by either choice or exclusion.

One of the key points that came out of that discussion was the importance of listening to the people whose participation was solicited. It went back to the old adage, “If you don’t want to know, don’t ask.”

Can you think of a time that someone really listened to you? How did it feel? If you ask someone a question and then disregard their answer, how likely are they to appreciate that? Even worse, how likely are they to answer honestly the next time they are asked?

I have been thinking a lot about asking for people’s input, opinions and feedback while I have been working on a guide to help people with polling their customers. In the course of writing that guide, several stories came to mind.

At one time I administered a customer satisfaction management program for a large international company. Although the company had a policy of having managers follow up on survey responses (positive and negative), I occasionally got calls from customers who said, “I completed your survey and told you about something bad that happened, and no one ever responded.”

Or, worse yet, “I completed your survey and told you about something that happened, and someone called and yelled at me for making them look bad.”

These were important learning opportunities around dealing with negative feedback. But another one of the many lessons was, “If you don’t want to know, don’t ask.” It is much harder to recover from debacles like these than to skate along pretending everything is fine. And it’s easy to skate if you don’t ask.

But skating along doesn’t tend to result in loyal customers who will buy more and refer others to you.

If you pay someone a compliment, how likely are you to say something positive in the future if they just deny or brush off the praise?

We don’t stop to think about it very much, but the same rule about acknowledging negative feedback applies to positive feedback. If you pay someone a compliment, whether you tell them they look great in that outfit or they did a stellar job, how likely are you to say something positive in the future if they just deny or brush off the praise?

I think we tend to underestimate the power of asking someone’s opinion. Perhaps it is because there are so few examples of people sincerely listening to the response. And it is that listening that is powerful.

As I mentioned in my last post, a survey is part of an ongoing conversation. At its worst, surveying can be like saying, “Hi! How are you?” We may not really want to know, and most of the time we get the answer we want, which is, “Fine, how are you?”

But on those occasions when I actually have a conversation with someone, when they tell me how they really are, and they really want to know how I am, it’s a pretty amazing experience.

Can you remember a time someone asked your opinion? How did it feel? Pretty good?

Can you remember a time someone failed to ask your opinion? How did that feel? Not so good?

Can you remember a time someone asked your opinion, but clearly disregarded it?

Can you think of a time someone asked your opinion, but you never heard if it made a difference?

Can you remember a time someone asked your opinion, and then followed through on it? How did that feel? Awesome, right?

But this isn’t just about making people feel good.

When it comes to dealing with people, not being curious can be fraught with peril.

A real conversation, whether it is in person, in writing, or is a survey, involves curiosity about the other person.

When it comes to dealing with people, not being curious can be fraught with peril. Decisions are made that affect others, and without sound and current data the wrong decisions can be made. Decisions about new products, decisions about customer wants and needs, decisions about the solidity of relationships. Decisions made without sound and current data are really just assumptions (when I am sure I know the truth) and bets (if I suspect I might not know, but there’s a good chance I do).

Drawing on experience is important. Intuition is very often right. But without confirming the validity of that intuition or checking the facts we run the risk of being wrong. Dangerously wrong. So wrong that someone else might step in and provide what our customer needs. So wrong that we might believe we have a solid relationship when in fact they’re shopping around.

Don’t worry, being curious about your customers is about to get easier.

This is why I developed my new guide, “The Survey As Conversation” – to help you to get your arms around the importance of not making assumptions about what customers and prospects want and need, or about how satisfied they are.

As the title suggests, the guide begins by framing the surveying of customers as nothing more than a conversation and then moves on to practical considerations for articulating what you want to know, how to get the information, and what to do with the information once you have it.

I feel so strongly about the importance of partnering with customers and not making assumptions about them that I am making this guide available at no charge. I invite you to learn more about it by clicking here (or on the “Survey As Conversation” tab at the top of this site) and clicking on the link to download it. There is also a worksheet included in the guide to help you get started, but you can also download the worksheet separately.

You don’t have to sign up or give me any information to get access to the guide. But I do have one request: Please return to the “Survey As Conversation” page and leave a comment telling me what you think, whether you found it helpful or not and in what way, and if there is anything that should be added. I want to make sure that it does help you, and I need your feedback to do that.

I hope you enjoy “The Survey As Conversation,” and that you find it helpful! Don’t worry, being curious about your customers is about to get easier!